The Real Good News! God restored my virginity by Sister Amelia
Dear brothers and sisters in Christ
"The body is not meant for fornication. It is for the Lord and the Lord for the body.
God, who raised the Lord from the dead, will, by His power, raise us up too.
You know, surely, that your bodies are members making up the body of Christ.
But anyone who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him..
since you received Him from God…
You are not your own property, you are bought and paid for."
-excerpt from the Archbishop of Canterbury's sermon based on 1 Corinthians 13-20.
As God's diminutive buxom soldier and personal escort service provider for Christ, I am excited, thrilled and almost nearing the point of spiritual orgasm to tell you the Good News. God has restored my virginity! Yes, my hymen is once again intact and protecting my womanhood. Praise! Gone are the days of being a professional, immoral and decadent hussy, now I can be a true spiritual libertine and ministering strumpet for Jehovah.
"Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body." 1 Corinthians 6:13
On Fire For God!
God and I often consult and converse with each other on His E.S.P telephone. It has been known that God may leave me a message through dreams, visions or when I am meditating in my plush garden. So you can imagine my surprise when God unexpectedly announced His Presence to me while I was taking a bath (goats milk with orange and ginger, lovingly prepared by my Sisters in Christ who always pamper me), in my sumptuous and chic bathroom.
God told me, (after He had apologised for interrupting my well-deserved time out from the world and his wife). That He was going to perform a mighty miracle in me to show the world that He really is the one and only for real Living God; and not some pretentious back water fiction like some others He could mention.
"Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ?" 1 Corinthians 6:15
Effortlessly levitating me in mid air, I felt the Lord's hands touching my body. His touch left me feeling a tingling sensation all over. My heart beat quickened, breasts heaved, my nipples were erect and pert and my needy moist Womanly Mystery was on holy fire as God worked His almighty healing touch upon me. I was so overcome that spiritual waves upon waves washed over me and increased in magnitude. I was moaning with ecstasy, delight and joy. It was almost as if I were slain in the spirit because the next thing I remember is being on my hands and feet and supplicating God's Holy Finger!
Hallelujah!
A heavenly hour later, when He had finished His cigar, Yahweh disclosed that He had healed and rejuvenated my body. Lo and behold my hymen was restored as a gift. Jehovah promises that He will perform this miracle to all the Daughters in Christ who perform for God as exquisitely and professionally as I do. This will be a witness and testimony to His faithfulness.
Glory!
"But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit." Corinthians 6:17
When God left me to go about His business (mumbling something about "Sure, I'll call you sometime doll."), I immediately rushed out and called my Sisters in Christ to examine me. Needless to say none have His touch, which really proves that only a man can really know a woman. Which was why Mother Superior and I insisted on Father Frenulum and several doctors to authenticate this miracle. Which I have to say they did to theirs and my satisfaction.
Immoral Of The Story
If we are to follow God and His inerrant Word then the message is clear. We must be "joined unto the Lord and be one spirit with Him." For we are His vessels to be used as He wills.
"You are not your own property. You have been bought and paid for." 1 Corinthians 6:20