St Winifred's University Workshop:
Praising God With Our Bodies - Women only!
Dear Students in Christ
"Draw me, we will run after thee:
the king hath brought me into his chambers:
we will be glad and rejoice in thee,
we will remember thy love more than wine:
the upright love thee." Song of Solomon 1:4
As you all know with our new semester commencing we have had to make alterations to a few of the programmes we are running and this term, only minor changes affect the workshops and seminars: Praising God With Our Bodies, that our blessed teachers in Christ: Sisters Trichomoniasis, Condyloma Acuminata and Treponema Pallidium are facilitating. Students are advised that the course schedules will remain the same, however course content has been amended and is as follows:
Praising God With Our Bodies:
Beginners
Workshop 1: Theory and Practical: Shaving the Burning Bush
Workshop 2: Theory and Practical: Exploring our inner moist sanctum
Workshop 3: Theory: Laying on of hands
Workshop 4: Practical: Exploring the saints delight in paradise
Workshop 5 : Practical: Cumming in the name of the Holy Lord
NB:
Students are advised to bring their own mirrors etc...
Praising God With Our Bodies:
Intermediary
Workshop 1: Practical: G-spot heaven- the praise centre for worshipping God
Workshop 2: Practical: The clitoris our joy beacon in Christ
Workshop 3: Theory and Practical Stimulation: Parting the sea
Workshop 4: Theory and Practical Simulation: Parting the red sea
Workshop 5: Theory: The position missionary and other forms of praising God
NB:
Students are advised to bring their own vibrators and dildoes etc.
Praising God With Our Bodies:
Advanced
Workshop 1: Practical Stimulation: Speaking in tongues
Workshop 2: Practical Stimulation: Kneeling at the altar
Workshop 3: Theory : Mark of the beast and lamp of life cumming together in the Lord
Workshop 4: Practical: Heaven and the lamp of life cumming together in the Lord
Workshop 5: Theory: Beware of Widows Mites
N.B:
Students are advised to bring to the workshops
their own vibrators and dildos and other toys.
Certain accessories will be provided by the course tutors.
Students will find below a glossary of terminology which will be used throughout the whole of the semester.
Notice
"A bundle of myrrh is my well beloved unto me;
he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts." Song of Solomon 1:13
Sisters Trichomoniasis, Condyloma Acuminata and Treponema Pallidium cordially invite you to a private soiree where they will be demonstrating the secret Christian Karma Sutra to novices and acolytes as a joyous festival of loving in the name of the Lord. This mini festival will be recorded and added as source material for the workshops and seminars that they will be facilitating.
Glossary
"My hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the lock. I opened to my beloved..." Song of Solomon 5:5-6
The following are christian jargon with subliminal sexual connotations and sexual terminology influenced by the church and religious terminology co-opted as sexual code.
Burning bush - an aroused female
Dry bones - male impotence
Female - from the Latin, femina, meaning "without faith."
Heaven - female genitals
Kneeling at the altar - meaning: to take the submissive position in a sexual encounter
Lamp of life - penis
Mark of the beast - this term was used in the 18th century to describe female genitalia
Missionary position - the only sexual position sanctioned by the Catholic Church
Nebuchadnezzar - penis
Paradise - female genitals
Parting the sea - intercourse with a woman
Parting the red sea - intercourse with a woman during menstruation
Speaking in tongues - cunnilingus
Saints delight - vagina
Snake - penis
Widows mites - genital parasites
Bibliography
"Sexual Slang" by Alan Richter, Ph.D.